And it never will. But believing in God and trusting every ounce of your life in Christ that He will take your life and make it useful and happy puts satisfaction inside me that keeps me going day in and day out. Even if I feel like I’m in a hole I do not think I can get out of, I just know that He will help me out of it, reach out his hand to grab mine and bring me back up. Nothing seems easy anymore but knowing that He is there to take some weight off helps me to just keep going. I know I am a Christian and I have givin my life to God and have been baptized, but still I find myself wanting to trust him more and more that it will just get better and I do day in and day out. Why do I feel like I haven’t put my full trust in Him, like I’m scared He will not help me, or not be there for me. How could I possibly believe that He wouldn’t. Does that make me a bad Christian or stupid? I mean I don’t actually think that but I just find myself feeling like I still haven’t put all my trust in God and I want to more than anything right now. Why is it so hard to do something you know will change your life for the better?! I just don’t understand! I find myself praying more, reading and listening to his word more and I actually listen to Spirit 105.3 more than anything anymore..which is something I never did before. God is working in my life everyday, I know this and I feel it every morning I wake up. I am the one with the problem that can’t let Him do what he does best. God knows I am this way, He created me. Why am I so stubborn..why am I so paranoid about things? Why do I feel sad and depressed when I get off work sometimes? Why is the thought of money always a worry?

Before I gave my life to Christ, there were times in my life where I actually wish I could just start it all over again from the beginning and do so many things over differently. Life is life and the past is the past, nothing will ever change that. All I can do is make it better and follow my dreams. And more importantly than anything in the world, trust wholeheartedly that Christ will be there every step of the way and make sure that if I trip and fall, I can look up and see my Lord’s hand ready to help me back up. There are definitely things in my life that need to change and until I trust that Christ will help make it happen, I will always feel like this. This is my simple prayer for the night, that I will whole heartedly trust in Christ, My Lord and Savior that He will always be there for me in good times and bad times and never give up on me. Amen.